Baptism

Baptism

If I could find the innocence of faith again
I would want to be baptized this time in God’s mercy
My innocence is long gone away
It is the heart I gave God back in College
Those who stole from me what I had to share with God
Turning it into something they could use to control my art

Baptism
In my innocence, asking myself…
What did I do?
Did I fight the good fight?
Did I love all I should have, even the ones who wanted me dead?
Did I exercise giving and forgiving?
Did I cherish every moment, even the nights of Sickle Cell Pain?
Did I honor my freedom even when it rained a bitter rain.
Did I free my Art; did I feel it with my all heart?
Did I find what I came for?
Did I do what I took the blame for?
Did I hold true to what I feel the most ashamed of?
What did I do with my Life?

Baptism
Shame is something I left with the International Church of Christ
I am now cautious and question a lot
I still want to love a lot.
How can a group of Christians do so much damage to my soul?
I have little faith in neither Human spiritual teachers nor their words
Yet I want to still hold to the good inside of me
I now embrace the light now along with the darkness
I want to choose the colors of my days
I choose the temper of my ways
Baptism was a journey to be part of God’s family
A union or re-union
I was left alone to welcome the hell of depression
Sometimes I fear having so much control over my own Sins.
I am no longer a sheep and I weep…
I wish someone would rebuke me today for my sins.

A Baptism into realism
Telling myself…
You can live anyway you wanna!
You just have to take a chance…
You can fall in love with life again
Dance in the rain again
Knowing no one can live for me
Is my true Baptism